Trailing Clouds of Glory

This life is but a remembrance. 

The souls of men were forged

in God's courts on high an eternity ago. 

We were taught by his side, 

touched by his gentle finger, 

and filled with light for the journey.

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star, 

Hath had elsewhere its setting, 

And cometh from afar: 

Not in entire forgetfulness, 

And not in utter nakedness, 

But trailing clouds of glory do we come 

From God, who is our home."*

When truth is heard and light is felt,

our spirits leap in absolute elation,

for they recognize a particle of home.

These passions and philosophies sounded in our ears

and fabricated in our minds

are no newer to us than our mother's voice.

We've always known them.

It is but a remembrance.

As the journey continues,

we search and scour for familiarity--

any bell that rings and reverberates 

that divine sound wave is clung to

with desperate longing for the true country.

Satisfaction is a starving beast

that devours as much substance

as can fit in its mouth.

But what can completely fill this greedy monster

but the bread of life and living water

found only on the grand supper table above?

Time keeps our heads forward,

but if we could glance back,

we would see our heals trailing clouds of glory,

linking us to our origin and 

pushing us to that eternal potential. 

And after a lifetime of

hoping and leaping,

ringing bells and going to bed hungry, 

we will arrive in the forging place once more and exclaim,

"I have come home at last! 

This is my real country! 

I belong here. 

This is the land I have been looking for all my life, 

though I never knew it till now."**

*from a poem written by a genius called William Wordsworth

**from The Last Battle by an even greater genius called C.S. Lewis

This Magic Moment

Long live all the magic we made.

Top Ten Most Incandescent Moments of Senior Year (in no particular order):

#1 The lava cave. While in St. George, with sixteen of the greatest people, we hiked in Snow Canyon and discovered a lava cave. Though dark and almost impossible to navigate sans flashlights, we brought light into that pocket of earth with who we were together. We sat in the back of the cave and sang the EFY medley and I was overcome by the force of good we were. How did I ever get so privileged to be apart of this group of stellar human beings? We really are as the armies of Heleman and in about a year almost every one of those kids will be out in the mission field serving the Lord.

#2 Prom. God made my heart light that night despite my not-so-desirable circumstances. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I didn't have a date but I made my appearance at the dance anyway and I felt like I was on top of the world. It was one of those moments when I was really proud to be me. I respect myself for that night. I turned my tear-stained pillow into something magical.

#3 Hiking in the pouring rain. I went to St. George with my strange baby child and one afternoon we hiked in Snow Canyon. The rain came pouring but that only encouraged our running and giggling and sense of adventure. That was the best soggy bagel I've ever had. If you know how wild we are, you probably know that I'm leaving out quite a few details.

#4 Imagine Dragons. Forgive this word that is becoming cliche, but that night I felt INFINITE. I stood by the side of someone I care about dearly and all expectations were exceeded. The bass reached out of the speakers and took hold of my heart until I couldn't differentiate my heart beat from the beat of the drum. I kept closing my eyes and committing every feeling and sound to memory because every ounce of the night was breathtakingly beautiful. The snow swirled around us as we sat in the car and I wanted to stay there forever--not because it was cold without but because it was endlessly joyful within.

#5 Empire State Building. The wind was blowing and it was bitter cold, but I didn't even care. I huddled with three of my best friends and together we gazed in awe upon the beautiful view of the Big Apple. For a moment, time stood still. The four of us talked about how we'll never get this moment again. We would never be in New York as seniors in high school with so much future and potential ahead of us. I soaked every second in and let that tiny era of time permeate my very being. That night, we got stuck in the subway for an hour and a half at one in the morning but nothing could shake our elation. 

#6 Senior dinner dance. That night was such a great climax to my story-book year. The food was delicious, the music was loud, the atmosphere was young, and I wouldn't choose any other group of people to dance with on this entire planet. All inhibitions were lost and whether I was dancing with my friends, dancing with strangers, or dancing alone I was confident and happy. "Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through, but I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancin' with you."*

#7 Pi day. It's funny to add this day to the "top ten moments" list because half of the day was the lowest I was all year. I was feeling depressed and disconnected and forgotten and confused. I had a lot of deep feelings for many people and I felt like they weren't reciprocating or understanding. I had taken a step back from everyone and my heart was physically hurting from all the emotional pain. And then I got a blessing from my Dad. I recorded it on my phone and took that recording with my bike to the park. There I laid in the grass and watched the clouds lazily creep by as I listened to my blessing again. I realized I had lost myself and my eyes burned with all the salt rimming their lids. But as the sun peaked through the clouds, I felt my soul peak through the darkness and I got a glimpse of the Self that I had lost. I listened to While We're Young (kind of cheesy but has a really great message) and the hope of the atonement filled my emptiness. That light endured the night as I went to six mission call openings and then ate pie with my two favorite girls. Christ is so merciful to those drowning in darkness if they but have the faith to ask for succor.

#8 That one night in Orem. As tradition provokes, my strange baby child and I sat in Barnes & Noble for over three hours browsing, reading and writing. Two minutes after leaving that peaceful library, we were screaming and laughing like maniacs. Krispy Kream, International, Chinese fire drills, and empty parking lots make for really great nights. Oh, the variety that friendship holds. 

#9 Boating around the island of Capri. I sat there on this tiny motor boat with my wonderful parents and took in the whites of the cliffs and the blues of the Mediterranean and I couldn't imagine a more perfect, blissful moment. At that very minute, my friends were going to AP Lit and I was sailing around this island with not a care in the world. I closed my eyes and reflected upon each adventure the past two weeks had brought me and my heart burst with gratitude. I was able to walk where Christ walked, explore ruins, taste authentic cuisines, and meet inspired men and women. Missing so much school was worth it--never let your schooling get in the way of your education.

#10 The missionary announcement and the walk that followed. No amount of intricate diction can express the feelings of that day. I can't envisage hearing Thomas S. Monson's proclamation to all future missionaries and not feeling the power and truth in his words. My spirit lept at the possibility of going out on a mission so soon and when I got a text from my best friend to go on a walk, I couldn't get to his house fast enough. We hiked through a dry creek bed and entrusted one another with our excitement and fears. To be apart of this amazing generation is not only an incandescent moment in my senior year, but it will make for an incandescent life.

Here's to the adventures ahead.

*stolen from Caitlan Wrubell and Taylor Swift