Dear Brother Joseph,

    Words cannot express the eternal gratitude I have for you. How little you understood as you entered that grove and how great the mantle you carried as you stepped out. Your vision was magnificent and you were ridiculed for what you saw, but you knew it, you knew that God knew it, and you could not deny it. Your suffering was not in vain, Brother Joseph, because I know it too and despite the turmoil and confusion of this ever-changing world, I absolutely cannot deny it. 
    They say that men try to change the world with battles, but when God wants to change the world he sends a baby. On December 23, 1805, he sent you on the darkest day of the year, just as light began to come back to the earth. You were the light. You were the instrument that has made it possible for millions to have the gospel--even all the earth. Can those two words suffice? Thank you? They are so minute compared to the expansive, everlasting, eternal blessings you have given me the opportunity to partake of. 
    Through you, I have come to better know my Father in Heaven and that it's ok to ask questions. You've taught me to have an eternal perspective and to endure trials well. Your example has shown me the way to be a steadfast, stalwart disciple of Jesus Christ. I love you. And as I reflect upon all the suffering and sacrifice you undertook, I can also feel your burning pride for this generation that is rising to be a force of good in all nations. Your endurance brought this to pass and I want you to know that I will be joining that force soon. 
    O, the joy you must be filled with in the kindgom of our Father. And though these words are feeble, as am I, thank you. I'm proud that you are my heritage. You are a great and noble man and if every man were like you, without a doubt, the very powers of hell would be shaken forever. Happiest of birthdays to you.

    Love always,

    Michaela Maurine

I've gotten into the habit of writing on this blog when I'm upset and I need to be heard. I guess cyberspace is a pretty good listening ear. But I think I have mis-informed my readers (if I have any). I have been representing myself in a cryptic, deep, dark, dramatic kind of way and I realized that's not what I want to be. That's not who I am. And that's not what I'm advocating.

Yes, I am sometimes cryptic. To most people that know me, I am the girl that will tell you anything because I am so open. If you ask me about my life I will disclose my whole heart to you. But in reality, I don't disclose myself to almost anyone. I can count on one hand the people that really know me. Sure, I will tell you any story you want to hear and if you ask I will tell you even the deepest part of my heart, but my soul is still pretty untouched. My crypticness stems from a longing to be known. I guess that really doesn't make sense at all. I'm still trying to figure myself out.

Yes, I am deep. Wow. That felt good to say. I don't claim to be the most knowledgable, interesting person on the planet, but I have a constant flow of deep things in my mind and I want to share them. My little neurons are just trying to comprehend how to get these thoughts out in an effective, pleasing way.

Yes, I am sometimes dark. Not in a Satanic, evil kind of way, but in a focus on the negative. It is just so easy to feel upset and turn to the pen for some relief. And then I end up hitting "Publish" because I think my writing seems kind of beautiful and then people think I am weighed down and depressed. 

Yes, I can be dramatic. Like right now for example. "Look at me! I am so misunderstood and mysterious!"

But all of this isn't the essence of who I am. This is who I am:

I am a human trying to understand herself through writing. I am a girl trying to develop her talents. I am a chaser of light. I am a seeker of good things and satisfying connection. I am a friend and a counselor. I am positive even when there isn't a clear solution. I am a baby and I get scared sometimes. I am strong and I can face hard things with my chin up. I have an undeniable testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am content with who I am. 

I can't tell you that I won't post any more sad things on this blog. Writing is my outlet. And hard things do happen. But I can tell you that I am a happy person and I want to represent myself more accurately. The truth is, happy people are flippin' attractive and there is nothing that can replace a joyful heart.

Me as a wee lass. Haven't changed a bit.